Becoming more conscious has had a dramatically positive effect on my life in every way. What started with a desire to heal myself from a broken heart has unfolded in  ways I never could’ve imagined. As I healed old wounds, I found I didn’t have quite the enthusiasm for the raucous party lifestyle I thought I did, and I became more cognizant of the relationship between what I put in my body and the way I felt.

Three years ago my intuition screamed out that in order to elevate my vibration and reach the next level of consciousness -and ultimately greater happiness – I needed to rid my body of the gunk I’d been depositing in it for the past thirty-two years. I was ready to start a new chapter of my life, and somehow I knew I needed a clean body to make it happen. As a birthday present for and husband, (we’re both February babes) I signed us up to do a five -day raw food/juice cleanse from REAL. RAW. LIVE. Raised in Texas on a diet primarily consistently of steak and cake, you would’ve thought I asked him to swim around the Farallon Islands with hamburger patties taped to his rib cage- but eventually he relented.  And on day 4, I got an exuberant voicemail from him, “I think there’s really something to this clean eating! I’ve been on a natural high all day and feel like new pathways are being formed in my brain!”

I, too, saw my energy increase, my mood elevate, my skin glow, and my sex drive roar as a result of cleansing.  I also noticed there was a synergistic effect between doing spiritual work and having a cleaner palate. There is no “luck” or “chance” that the very same month I cleansed, I broke through creatively and began writing and playing guitar.

Suddenly foods I craved like cheese, pasta with store bought pesto, and coffee seemed unappealing; fast food felt like annihilation. I realized that regardless of where I live or what corners of the world I explore, my body is my true home. So following my “all or nothing” man’s lead, we were hardcore vegans and 70% raw for about 6 months. We also had nobody to go out to dinner with, puzzled over recipes that felt like Mensa word problems, and according to my mother, looked like we’d escaped a concentration camp with an inch of our lives. I know there are many gorgeous raw vegans walking the earth, but we were not they.

Then we fell off the wagon- hard. And for awhile my life was once again a pasta filled, latte wielding free-for-all. In my effort to create more a balance I came across Shannon Kadlovski. Her motto is literally, “Get the Gunk Out.” Her eating philosophy, “still eat the foods you love- just the healthier versions of them,” taught me that I don’t need to be so hardcore in order live an energized, vibrant, glowing skin, existence.

Now Shannon has finally put her wisdom into a book, so all of her delicious menus and insights are in one place! If you’ve been ignoring your intuition’s pleas to Get the Gunk Out, Shannon’s simple strategies are the perfect kick start to giving your body what it desperately wants to thrive!

So often we think of our heads and our bodies as separate entities, when nothing could be further from the truth. If you are being mindful to improve thoughts in your head and detox yourself from destructive patterns but still polluting your body with toxic food, you are getting in your own way. We are a complex, intricate energy systems and eating well is an important piece of the puzzle when it comes to generating health, vitality, creativity, and happiness. The time is NOW. Your life is NOW. And it’s never going to be any easier than it is right NOW.

Is there anything stopping you?

*insanely gorgeous featured image by mosh benjamin via feyoga

The post Is it Time to Get the Gunk Out? appeared first on Tales of Ordinary Magic.

I love hearing stories about people empowering themselves for a better life. And while intelligence and education are undoubtedly valuable assets for a happy reality, I’ve come to understand there is more to the story.

After all, with neither in short supply, our planet continues to chug along in pain, perpetuating war, financial corruption, and devastation of natural resources to the murder of dolphins, rhinos, and tigers, GMOS, poverty, and squandering the potential of women- to name a few. I’ve come to understand that in a society flush with high I.Q.’s, intellect and wisdom don’t necessarily go hand and in hand.

I first became aware of this in my own life. I’d been educated at some of the best schools in the country and (aside from Math) always made good marks, but as I began to navigate through my twenties, I discovered that my “education” didn’t really equip me with what I needed in order to create a thriving, sustainable, healthful, inspiring, harmonious and happy life.

With erroneous information about how the world worked, I felt fearful, competitive, blame-filled, and possibly most alarming, serious. Something deep inside, I now know as my internal wisdom (something we’re each born with) told me a Master’s degree or improved cognitive function wasn’t the answer. Nope, what I needed was wisdom.

My desire for wisdom connected me with a powerful, spiritual teacher and energy healer who helped me end the war I was raging on myself, and cultivate inner kindness that began to translate as outer kindness, and deep compassion for others.

The following are a few of the insights I’ve gained and continue to put into practice:

 1.    Everything is energy, and with energy – like attracts like.

 2.    Your outside world is a reflection of your inner thoughts.

 3.    You are responsible for every single thing in your life and you, personally, have the power to change any situation. Blaming another (making someone else the problem) keeps you stuck in a victim vibration, making it difficult to create what you truly desire.

 4.     Every relationship is a mirror. Whatever judgments you have about others are reflecting that which exists inside you. Use your resistances as a map to direct you where you need to heal.

 5.    Competition is a consequence of fear, which fuels resistance, blame, rejection, control, and the need to prove it. If you feel any of these ways, you’ve given up your seniority to the very things you’re resisting, blaming, controlling and proving – making it more difficult to feel good about yourself and derive happiness from your creations.

 6.    Feelings of limitation erode enthusiasm, and feelings of lack prevent fulfillment; whereas gratitude generates an empowered vibration attracting more of what you want into your life. Find it – even if it’s for the least, little thing like breathing, eating and being able-bodied.

 7.    The desire to be perfect promotes apathy, relegating you to the sidelines; participation is one of the keys to an inspired, passionate life. Be the beginner and jump in.

 8.   Life is not a test. Contrary to Charlie’s Sheen’s astuteness, there is no #winning. Life is a process, an evolution, a journey that started lifetimes ago and will continue beyond this one. And, there is NO SUCH THING as a mistake (#losing) as every single person, event, and experience is an opportunity for you to get closer to understanding who you are, which is the reason you have taken a human form!

 9.   Whatever you believe you can create, you can create.   

10.  Real joy only exists in the present moment. If you are anxious or fearful, you are in the future. If you are resentful or sad, you are stuck in the past.

 11.  The idea that you can change anyone else is an illusion. However changing yourself is immensely powerful. In doing this, you are a rock in the pond. Your vibration impacts those closest to you and those in the far corners of the earth. Every time you shift your vibration into one of greater permission and affinity for yourself, you are creating a ripple effect across the planet.  

The post Intelligence vs. Wisdom: 11 Insights for a Happier Life appeared first on Tales of Ordinary Magic.

As I sought information about the world and myself  (clearly what I thought I knew wasn’t true) I recognized we’re driven to achieve, conquer and attain because we assume it will make us feel OK in some way. While all of the diverse displays of human behavior stem from our desires to be accepted, important, worthwhile, respected, desired, loved, enough, etc, we usually think of our emotions as secondary to our goals.

Prioritizing what we want to achieve verses how we’d like to feel actually impedes our creations because our vision for ourselves is tangible, it’s finite, and it has limits even if we aren’t aware of those limits. Our vision for self is a reflection of the social framework we’ve soaked up from our families, our friends, and the powerful programming that informs us what it means to be a man or woman in our society.

This isn’t say, just sit around on your couch and think about being happy and you will be. It’s to underscore that many of the achievements and attainments our mainstream culture promotes as the answer to our happiness, don’t deliver genuine happiness at all, so it’s up to us to get clear on how we want to feel, so our creations are aligned with those desires.

With this understanding I wrote a list in no particular order,  folded it up, and tucked it away in a inside a drawer.

1. Conscious

2. Courageous

3. Inspired

4. Loved

5. In Love

6. Independent

7. Free

8. Creative

9. Healthy

10. Productive

11. Compassionate

12. Like I’m making a contribution

13. Abundant

14. Playful

15. Respected

16. Accepting

17. Balanced

18. Musical

19. Brave

20. Trusting

21. Beautiful

22. Sexy

23. Capable

24. Supported

25. Happy

26. Prosperous

27. Valued

28. Healed

I had no idea how powerful this declaration would be. At first I didn’t correlate this simple list with the sudden changes in my life, but after enduring a nearly month long energy release (what most people call the flu), watching relationships collapse and roads diverge, I started to wonder if perhaps my life was being rearranged to support the ways in which I wanted to feel?

Sure enough this leveling process in my life birthed an entirely new cycle, flush with present time alignments. After a period of seemingly painful destruction, my life began to flourish with new friendships, creative opportunities, and life’s ever elusive – inspiration. Most importantly, the demolition of the old, allowed me to make recognition of the things in my life that don’t support how I want to feel, making it easier to let go of old patterns and beliefs.

While this goes against everything our mainstream culture promotes, I’m increasingly reminded if I want something I’ve never had, I’ve got to be willing to do things I’ve never done.

If you haven’t done this simple exercise, I encourage you turn your compass to your deepest desires and discover the infinite ways that your life will expand.

How do you create your life? Do you set directives based on how you want to feel?  I’d love to hear about your experience!

Featured image by Feyoga

The post The 28 Ways I Want to Feel appeared first on Tales of Ordinary Magic.

1. Forgive Someone.

“Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.” – Hannah Arendt

Contrary to popular belief, forgiveness is not for the other person- it’s for you. Resentment wreaks havoc on your life like an out of control drunk unwilling to leave the party. Forgiveness loosens the grip that person/incident/event has on you, allowing you to move forward. Forgive someone right now and be amazed at what transpires. The person you forgive might even be you!

2. Practice Gratitude.

 “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” - Eckhart Tolle

Our economic system is predicated on the notion that something is lacking in our lives, and once we purchase that wondrous thing, voila!,  then we will be happy and complete. It’s so ingrained in our lives, unless we consciously make awareness to it, it’s easy to start believing we truly are lacking in our lives when we aren’t lacking at all. If you vibrate in limitation and lack, you will continue to create things that are limited and lacking!

I thought I had gratitude, but it wasn’t until I spent time volunteering in Africa last summer that I truly gained perspective on the abundance in my life. Now I’m sincerely grateful for the most simple things like a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head. I’ve found being in gratitude for even the smallest things makes the world shine brighter.

Even amid the most trying circumstances, if all you can be grateful for is the air you breathe or the legs you stand on, this shifts your space in to one of greater abundance. Once you start finding gratitude for little things in your life, it will gain momentum and soon you will begin to find gratitude for all sorts of things you never noticed before. Just as I’m falling asleep, I like to recall all of the things I’m grateful for as I drift off.

3. A (Not So) Random Act of Kindness.

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” ― Lao Tzu

Do something for someone else today. Put money in a stranger’s meter, help someone with their grocery bags, pick flowers, write a kind note, compliment someone’s smile, tell a friend or family member how much you value their presence in your life, genuinely celebrate someone else, go out of your way to make someone else’s life a little easier.

The gift is truly in the giving. We are innately, loving beings that get confused by the dog-eat-dog, competitive matrix that has us believing in a fearful, scarce world. Do something kind for someone else and feel yourself return to love instantly.

Which one will you put into action right now?

featured image via mscareergirl.com

The post 3 Superpowers You Don’t Even Know You Have! appeared first on Tales of Ordinary Magic.

1. Set an intention.

Whether it’s a complete life overhaul, or you want to break through creatively (which actually is a complete life overhaul) declaring you are ready for a change is signaling to your inner wisdom that you’re ready for answers. Don’t ignore it! It’s the most important voice you’ll ever listen to. It’s literally trying to communicate to you what your purpose is this lifetime. My inner wisdom was trying to tell me that writing would bring me great joy. For years, I silenced it with a shot of tequila, a side of boyfriend issues and a dizzying display of friendship drama. Yikes!

Simply by setting an intention that you are ready to change will set the process in motion. You can tell a friend, write it down or create an affirmation you repeat in mediation and through your day.

ie: “I am changing and growing into my most joyful, abundant, creative, conscious self.”

2.  Get real.

It may be obvious to you things aren’t going how you’d hoped, but what needs to change or how isn’t so obvious. Here’s where you get really real with yourself. Go to where you feel resistances; go where you find yourself needing to prove it, or where you need to control. Become aware of why you feel compelled to tell a half-truth. This will be your compass directing you to where you need to heal. As you illuminate the truth behind the truth, you de-energize that which is instigating these destructive behaviors inside of you.

3. Find a trusted source, mentor, teacher to guide you.

Since your outside life is merely a manifestation of your inner thoughts and beliefs, if you want to change your life you must change the information responsible for these thoughts and beliefs. There’s an abundance or information about how to change your life and create happiness and sometimes it’s difficult to discern where to turn and whose wisdom to follow. A trusted source is not limited to someone with a PR team and alphabetic soup after his/her name; to me trusted source is someone whose life is a reflection of what you want to create in your life. In other words, your teacher must have what you want.

As I charted my own path to change I was confronted with doubt over some of the information my spiritual teacher was communicating to me. I wanted to reject it because it sounded crazy in comparison the programming on the planet that I’d been raised to believe was true. But I recognized my teacher is hands down the happiest, most playful, humble, compassionate, generous, healthy, joyful and passionately creative person I’d ever met. Simply put, I wanted what he had, which meant his information became very valuable to me in my desire to evolve into the happiest, most playful, humble, compassionate, generous, healthy, joyful and passionately creative person I can be.  

4. Take Responsibility.

Approaching every situation – even the unpleasant, the challenging, the horrifying – with the understanding that you created it, may seem disturbing at first, but I promise this is one of your greatest powers. When you believe things “happen to you” you vibrate in a victim (poor me) vibration that does not serve you.

“It’s her fault, the weather sucks, my boyfriend screwed me over,” are all victim nature thoughts that it will behave like a magnet drawing more victim nature people and events your way.

In contrast, by taking responsibility and asking yourself, “why did I create this?” you are in acceptance of the present moment (as an opportunity for greater insight into you), which carries a gratitude vibration, drawing that which you want to create into your life. Making recognition that every single creation is an opportunity for growth, and ultimately greater happiness, will dramatically accelerate your change.

5. Let Go.

There will be family and friends who don’t support your change. It’s not because they don’t love you; it’s just because seeing you change means they have to look at their own lives (which they may not be ready to do). Send them kind thoughts, be grateful for the good times and let go. This makes room for people of a more present time alignment to enter your life.

Change is one of the few constants of life. You can resist it, ignore it, or recognize you have the power to change into the person you want to be.  It’s not too late, it’s not too hard. You have the first 5 steps to get you started on your journey to growing into your most joyful, abundant, creative, vital, conscious self right now!

What do you see as your biggest obstacle to change?

The post 5 Surefire Steps to Change Your Life! appeared first on Tales of Ordinary Magic.

So often we think we need more to be happy, when in actuality we just need to let go of limiting beliefs and erroneous understandings. The following are 7 things you can let go of right now that are part of my continual practice I know yield significant results!

1. Let go of living your life for your parents.

From a very young age we seek approval and acceptance from our parents because generally we’d be rewarded if we did what they pleased. As we grow the stakes become higher. If we aren’t careful we end up living our entire lives by our parents expectations without ever understanding what it truly means to be ourselves. Performance is exhausting, and when you are performing you are out of affinity with yourself. Authentic people are happy because life becomes an effortless expression of who they are.  Let go of what your parents want for you, and unapologetically be your authentic self.

2. Let go of negativity.

Every single word that leaves your lips has an energy vibration attached to it, and what you put out to the universe comes back to you. We unconsciously complain about insignificant things like the weather, traffic, a plane delay, with no understanding we humans are gigantic energy systems generating a vibration that serves as a magnet drawing things of matching frequency to us. Life is in your mind. Detox yourself from your negative talk, and watch your perspective of the world around you change.

3. Let go of the need be right.

It seems like “being right” has a dynamo PR team spinning the virtues of being right, with promises of love, riches and security in heaping measures to the extent that the idea of being wrong has become so horribly unacceptable. The reality is the need to constantly be right is an external sign that something is very not right on the inside. The need to be stubbornly right is an attempt to control things, which stems from deep fear and non-trust of you. The next time you find yourself going toe-to-toe with someone ask yourself, do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?

4. Let go of judgments. 

Judgments are the killer of creativity, and consciousness, yet we judge all the time. We have a very finite understanding of what is right or wrong and we criticize and judge people for being different, and ourselves for not being good enough. If we can take a step back and recognize that 99%of people simply operating off the information they’ve been given, we grow into greater compassion and acceptance. It doesn’t mean we have to agree with them, it just means we see the bigger picture. After all, with all the diverse displays of creation, destruction, action and reaction on planet – as messed up as it seems sometimes – we’re all just trying to be OK. Let go of your judgments, and discover how much happier you’ll be.

5. Let go of your excuses. 

I wasted years of my life with excuses! “It’s not the right time, I need some training, I’m not sure…blah, blah, blah.”

Excuses are nothing more than fear of failure. The most effective way I know to neutralize these fears is to simply be the beginner. The moment is NOW. Set a directive and start before you’re ready! You and your trusty pal, Google, can figure it out together. There is boldness in action, and when you take action it’s like sending a flare signal to the universe attracting all that you need right to you!  Get going!

6. Let go of the past. 

The past. Everyone’s got one. Sometimes we run from it and other times we glorify it, but either way it’s like dead weight shackled to our leg. It happened; it hurt, but now what are you going to do about it?  You have a choice. When we stay resentful and focused to the past, we carry a victim (poor me) vibration that makes it very difficult to create what we want. When we let go of it and recognize that every single past event led us to here, where we are gaining consciousness to create a life of our dreams, we vibrate in gratitude – which is a spiritual superpower. Let go and claim your power!

 7. Let go of externalizing your love.

This is tricky business, my friends, and one I can’t claim to have completely figured out yet. However I know from the spiritual teachers with whom I personally work that it is possible, and they are exponentially happier because of it. To externalize our love means we’ve made something outside of ourselves the reason for our happiness, and therefore we’ve become dependent on it. This dependency on externals is bound to create unhappiness, because nothing in life is constant and things – whether we want them to or not – will change. To let go of this means if our love, dog, home, money, etc. were to disappear, we would still be OK. It means understanding the true source of love and security comes from within, and is not dependent on that which is external to us. This is the unshakable belief to which I am inching closer, but let’s face it…still have quite a ways to go!

The post 7 Things You Can Let Go of to be Happier Right Now! appeared first on Tales of Ordinary Magic.

At the beginning of a relationship, when we’re falling in love, there is a copious amount of magic that’s present. It pervades every crevice of our existence, making life’s tedious tasks and obligations come alive in a vibrant rush of passion.

Then, one day, without any warning it’s gone. Just as effortlessly as it appeared, it flitters off in the night sky with no mention of where it’s heading or if it has any plans to return. We retrace steps wondering, is there is anything we could’ve done differently?

With the absence of that once gratuitous passion, we begin to steal glances outside our partnership. Maybe there’s something better? Maybe there’s someone better?

While the friendship may still be in tack, that hit of magic, and the lure of passion is so enticing it trumps the once devoted promises of love, family, and shared dreams.

Is this really the nature of love – so fleeting in its rewards, and so unapologetic in its’ farewell?

The short answer is no. At least I don’t think so. It’s the illusions, we hold about love, that cause us to hit the road in search of that alluring magic that makes us feel alive once again. We think that passion is something outside of ourselves- something we can possess, experience or hold. We take for granted that it will just spontaneously reproduce on it’s own, ignorant to the understanding that if we aren’t generating passion for our own creations, how could we ever expect it to be present in our partnership? After all, even a romantic relationship is nothing more than the sum of its individual parts.

I, too, used to hold these very illusions. I devoted many years supporting a past boyfriend pursue his passion, believing his dreams were big enough for the two of us. As the sparkles evaporated from our relationship, I fought like hell to get them back; completely oblivious to the fact I was guilty of not bringing my share to the party.

The simple truth is we are the single biggest generators of passion and magic for our relationships, but there is some fine print: we must create it for ourselves on an individual level first.

Just as if a group of friends were to arrive at a potluck empty handed, there would nothing to feast on; cultivating a relationship with no inspiration to share leaves the relationship craving more. But we misidentify this more as something out there instead in our hearts where the roots of passion lay.

When we discover and pursue that unique thing that light us up inside, and we begin to understand the very reason and purpose that we’re on the planet, we become super conductors of passion and magic, bringing these precious elements into every relationship an experience we create.

Life is a journey, a process, and hopefully a passion. There are no guarantees. But if you take the time to turn inward and cultivate what lights you up individually – to discover what makes you come alive – then at least you are doing your part to make love stay. If love still doesn’t stay in the relationship, (you can only be accountable for the inspiration and passion you personally contribute) your love will stay within you. And like a gigantic magnet, you’ll attract love wherever your path leads you.

What is your experience with making love stay stay?

Featured image via beautifullypink.tumblr.com

The post Who Knows How to Make Love Stay? appeared first on Tales of Ordinary Magic.

While I certainly have plenty of day-to-day material that allows me the opportunity to grow, in recent years, I’ve begun taking one trip a year I know will force me out of my comfort zone. I’ve found putting myself in unfamiliar places and circumstances are incubators for growth, and while I can never foresee what I’m gonna get, it’s still a sure thing.

Last summer, after spending a month in Africa, I was gifted with gratitude. I thought I knew gratitude before, but it wasn’t until I witnessed the unexpected joy of the African people in spite of the debilitating conditions they endure every day, that I could truly grasp how fortunate my life – with all of its apparent challenges - is. Walking through piles of waste and sewage that lined the streets, I said to my husband, “I will never complain again.”

Of course old habits die hard, and it’s a constant practice, but since that moment, I’m certain, I have little to complain about in the whole scheme of things.

The previous year I journeyed by boat 18 hours down the Amazon River into the jungle, and up to the impressive peaks of Machu Picchu. Trekking through the dense jungle yielded a deep humility, spearing fish from the river for dinner made me feel capable, and participating in ancient ceremonies with descendants of the Matses tribe expanded my scope of reality far beyond what I could’ve imagined existence to be.

This year I chose Paris.

Paris?

Champs-Elysées strolling, Bordeaux sipping, macaroon eating, Paris?

Yep. That Paris.

Although I must admit, I was hit with so many resistances as I went to book the ticket, I wasn’t sure I’d make it. I had to shake the puritan programming that creating an artistic sabbatical in Paris was indulgent and expensive and I should be doing something more…productive. 

These, my friends, are controls. We often think of controls as laws and rules that others impose upon us, but we also are impacted the most by controls that exist in our minds. The “shoulds” and “have to’s” that dictate our lives impede our ability to be free in our hearts and experience joy.

I know from past history that when I’ve faced my resistances head on, I’ve been gifted with greater insight into my life, and untethered myself from the invisible hands that control me. So often we think once we reach perfection in our lives, then we’ll be happy. The truth is in order to be happy we just have to give ourselves a little permission.

What is permission anyway?

Permission is the ability to give to ourselves fully for no other reason that it nurtures the spirit. Permission is the way we get to grow without the pain.

It’s because of permission that I am writing you this very insight from the sunbaked patio of my Parisian apt. The fact that I made it here at all speaks to the fact that I was able to move through my self-inflicted controls. While the ways in which I will evolve from my time spent Paris still need time to unfold, I know I’ll return with a greater vision of self. If posts are light for the next few weeks, know that I am challenging myself to live and be in the present moment, and giving myself permission to fully indulge in all that Paris has to offer.

What has your experience been with personal growth?

The post Is Pain an Unavoidable Part of Personal Growth? appeared first on Tales of Ordinary Magic.

These words are often times used interchangeably, but apparently confidence and belief are about as similar as Juicy Couture and Couture. I know this because I was once quite comfortable in my confidence. I had no trouble speaking up, dancing freely, and traveling solo. I jumped out of airplanes, surfed big waves and skied double black diamonds without so much as a second thought. I had conviction to make the grade, land the deal, and get the guy.

Then, as my former relationship broke down and I was stripped of the things I’d come to define myself by, I watched my confidence disappear too. I realized that confidence is something that is predicated on the ability to feel capable based on external conditions like physical appearance, zeros in the bank account or social circle. But I would soon discover, real belief has little to do with confidence.

Looking to the natural world we think nothing of this unflagging cycle of creation and destruction that is inherent to all living things. Each Fall trees lose their leaves and stand bare throughout winter, but come Spring, each tree flourishes with new life once again. We often forget that we, too, are part of the natural world, and that aspects of our lives need to be destroyed before new life can spring forth as well.

As I meandered through new neighborhoods and friendships, embarked on new projects and love, sure enough, my fickle confidence reappeared. However, amid the continual cycle of creation and destruction, an unfamiliar power emerged. Belief. Regardless of the seemingly undesirable things the physical plane presented, time and again, I’d arise from the wreckage, not necessarily with what I thought I needed or wanted, but with deeper compassion, greater gratitude, and a willingness to take responsibility for my life. Ultimately, I came to trust that this roller coaster of life is the vehicle by which I get to journey into understanding myself. Turns out the greatest secrets really are hidden in the most unlikely places.

It’s clear to me now that when my world, as I knew it, was destroyed so many years ago, it was really just part of the natural cycle of creation necessary for me gain greater consciousness and certainty about myself and my path. While destruction is admittedly unnerving, I know that in order to grow into the most conscious, inspired, and free woman I can be, there are many walls in my mind that still need to come down, and therefore more destruction lurks on my horizon. However, it’s the knowing, the belief, that every thing I create is designed to help me evolve into my highest self that makes it far less frightening or painful.

What is your experience with confidence and belief?

The post Confidence vs. Belief appeared first on Tales of Ordinary Magic.

In the third grade, I composed my first work of fiction about the oldest woman in the world. A piece that I don’t remember much about except for one sentence,

“She sobbed and sobbed and when she was through she found herself sitting in a sea of wrinkly tears.”

A sentence that garnered praise from Mrs. Perry, the opportunity for me to read my story aloud in front of the class, and a conference with my mother about my potential.

A few days later, led by a buxom woman with thin red lips, I was extracted from class without any explanation, and led to a separate wing of the school I’d never been to before. She instructed me to do three tasks in thirty minutes: organize some blocks on a table, solve a puzzle, and read a few paragraphs and then articulate what I thought the author was trying to say. The next thing I knew, I was traveling back to that wing once a week with a handful of other kids. They called us ‘gifted’.

Some months later, as I fished around in my mother’s desk for her cigarettes I’d taken to cutting up and flushing down the toilet, I found a long manila envelope with Emily scrawled in black marker. Unbeknownst to me, those puzzles and blocks were an IQ test. My score was a 143, with a little arrow indicating “high”.

The number 143 didn’t mean much to me, but the little red arrow left little room for misinterpretation. A moment of inflated, self-importance was clouded by an unwavering spell of self-doubt.

“What if it’s a fluke?” I worried, “and now they just think I’m really smart.”

With no real way to know, I pushed it to the far-reaching corners of my consciousness, and rolled on with my nine year-old-self.

By eighth grade, my mother decided I should attend private high school. Come time for the entrance exam, everyone was shocked to find out I’d scored in the lowest percentile.

“How can this be?” my parent’s foreheads creased with confusion. “Our daughter is very bright,” my mother assured my prospective school, with a terse smile.

In an effort to discount the standardized test, I took another test similar to the one in third grade; however, this time my score was twenty points lower than the original.

While we couldn’t see it then, the energy dynamics at play for not feeling whole as a female, coupled with my sneaking a peak in the manila folder, caused me to unconsciously shy away from things I thought I might not be good at, for fear of not measuring up. I still liked writing better than math or science but no longer felt that magic fluidity of stringing sentences together in an effortless way.

By averting challenges in an attempt to hold up this image of intelligence I thought was expected of me, I‘d retarded my own growth.  In cramming for the A, I’d compromised my ability to think.

Despite having an abundance of life’s opportunities available to me, I steadily steered myself down an increasingly narrow path, only engaging in activities I knew I’d excel in. I was unconscious to the fact, that in my bid to be perfect (to gain approval and acceptance from my parents) I was blocking myself from the true meaning of life – the ability to grow into understanding of who I am and what it means to be authentically me.

It wasn’t until about six years ago that I recognized just how much I was living my life for the expectations of others, or in other words, performing my way through life.  We learn to perform from such a young age, piling layers of pretending and performing on top of each other, mistaking our familiarity of the performance with authenticity.

Performance is like kryptonite to happiness and fulfillment, because only when we are truly authentic and vulnerable can we feel joy.

Continual exhaustion, belittling other people’s creations, feeling creatively blocked, feeling the need to prove, and unwilling to engage in new ventures are indicators of performance.

If any of these signs feel familiar, go easy on yourself. Your path brought you to here where you are gaining consciousness. When we illuminate truth, our vision of self expands, allowing us to shift away from destructive behaviors and grow into more aware, compassionate and ultimately more joyful people.

So how do we transcend something that’s so ingrained in who we think we are that we barely even know we’re doing it?

In a word. ART.

Art heals as we reveal ourselves to ourselves, authentically. Artistic expression is a powerful form of self-love because it forces us to be vulnerable. As we suspend judgment, we are giving to ourselves in that moment. We are literally sending a message to ourselves that, “It’s OK to be me. I am enough in this moment.”

Where I once suffered from a pervasive apathy about artistic pursuits, I gave myself permission to be the beginner, and I became impassioned with the energy to paint, write, sing, play guitar and write music. I felt like new pathways were being formed in my brain, I felt like a kid, I felt alive!

The impact on my life was so dramatic it was like listening to music for the first time after being unable to hear for 20 years.  I found that most of life’s rules and restrictions, we impose on ourselves, and that I.Q. doesn’t equate to wisdom. The joy is in the doing, the joy is in the moment, and above all there are no mistakes because every creation provides deeper insight to understanding who we are! Don’t settle for a staring role in your life; find the courage to discover who you are. I promise you won’t regret it.

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