Due to a variety of planetary constructs – all rooted in origins of our patriarchal culture – we, women, are programmed from the day we are born to prioritize relationship as the most important aspect of our lives. Ask an honest man where loving relationship (not sex) ranks on his list of life imperatives, and you’ll probably find it mid-way down the list sandwiched conveniently between court-side seats at the Lakers game and a bachelor party in Vegas.
As a child, I’d overhear hear my mother describe me as precocious, but I know I wasn’t the only 5 year old at Happy Valley Elementary who was mad for the cutest boy in the class, Stevie. From that point forward my crushes, flings, and deep loves took precedence over my studies, my interests, and my friends in an almost primal way I couldn’t really understand. It didn’t matter if I’d left shards of broken hearts in my wake, or if it was my heart that had been obliterated into a million little pieces – this pervasive feeling that I wasn’t whole and complete without a man inspired one relationship backed into the next from the time I was 15 to 29 years old.
It wasn’t until I began hammering away at illusion 53,127 – my erroneous belief that I wasn’t a creative person – that I learned this is not, actually, a true part of human nature, but rather a human response to our planetary paradigm that puts women second to men.
From the day we are born we comprehend a rejection of our innate female selves. I know what you’re thinking- this isn’t India; this isn’t China. You’re right, compared to the rest of the world, we’ve come a long way with attitudes toward women. But even our society has strong judgments about females – especially female sexuality, and for centuries the Patriarchal religions that have reigned supreme have held a steadfast belief that sex for an unmarried woman is unacceptable. This understanding has a disastrous ripple effect in our society to which most are unconscious.
For example, if a father has even the most fleeting thought that one day his baby girl is going to be sexual and he doesn’t like it, (remember he’s just operating off of the unconscious programming he’s received) the baby girl registers this fear-based thought form as rejection of her innate sexual self. This dense thought form says you are not whole and complete as you are. This thought form says something is wrong with you.
And what happens when we are rejected? We become determined to gain approval and acceptance from our rejecter. And so it begins – in wanting approval an acceptance from Daddy, and every male from that point forward, we attempt to be the most perfect (competitive) versions of whatever image of perfect we’ve concocted in our malleable, little minds. It’s this attempted perfection that’s responsible for the erosion of our innate female brilliance and power. We’re afraid of stepping outside the lines, living our truth, or speaking our minds, because the fear of losing favor with the one thing that will allow us to feel whole again- approval and acceptance from males – is too great.
I know this isn’t light and fluffy, my fellow truth seekers, but as you know, it’s all we’re unconscious to that causes pain. Information is power and in understanding this planetary construct, we have the opportunity to transform ourselves, and ultimately our entire civilization. We do, after all, make up half of the population.
If you are caught in the perfection performance programming that keeps you playing small, that prevents you from unleashing your innate creative genius on the planet, I will relay the simple, yet highly effective, guidance that was passed on to me. This antidote will combat the invisible shackles that are a consequence of this core desire to be perfect.
Be the beginner.
The beginner isn’t expected to know a damn a thing, so the beginner can never fail. The beginner’s fertile mind isn’t stunted by fear, or judgment or of not being accepted, so your creativity and inspirations flow freely. I once battled an oppressive apathy to create and believed I didn’t have a creative bone in my body. By adopting the beginner mindset, my creative self began to thrive. And much to my surprise with each creative risk I took, I saw my personal belief elevate, and my once 0.5 vision of self began to increase.
With this understanding, we (especially dads) have the opportunity, to change this paradigm for our own daughters by acknowledging that sexuality is intrinsic to who we are; it’s how every singe person gets onto the planet. By reserving judgment, we can break down the source of this paralyzing, unconscious, perfection performance programming and women, and the planet, will flourish!